So I’ve been getting a few people asking things like ‘What movies do you hate the most,” or “What’s your top 5.” Well today I’m going to answer that. The top ten movies I hate the most and why.
Everyone please note that I carefully worded this. These are not the top ten worst movies of all time, simply the ones I hate the most. I won’t do a top ten list of the worst movies of all time because quite frankly, that’s way too subjective. This is strictly opinion on my part.
So don’t get all up in arms if you don’t agree. Regardless of the fact that you have no idea what you’re talking about.
10. The Phantom Menace
I thought about putting this movie higher on the list than this. But to be honest, I couldn’t 1. Like it or not (or whether or not you acknowledge it’s existence like most self-respecting Star Wars fans have chosen not to) it is still a Star Wars movie… Yes I know it introduced Shaft Jedi, and Jar Jar Binks… but it does have some fairly nice sets and the fight scenes are very impressive as well. That said, some have argued that it suffers from the Star Wars stigma, but even if you were to look at the movie in a subjective light without acknowledging the Star Wars title. It’s still a fairly weak story with annoying characters.
9. Chicago
I know a lot of people loved this movie and the play it’s based on. But to be honest, I never got why. It’s about an adulterous whore who is willing to do anything to achieve her goals, including perjury murder, conning, and the a fore mentioned adultery. Believe it or not, had this move (and the play) ended with the lead character either looking back on her life, realizing what she’d done, and either committing suicide or being forced to face all the people she hurt to get to the top, it would have been a much more powerful story and on my good graces.
But no, ladies, cheat on your husband, murder a guy, lie under oath, steal your ex’s money, fake a pregnancy, and hang out with other murders. It’s a fool-proof way to get ahead in this world.
8. Fox and the Hound
Yes… there is a Disney movie in this review… a couple in fact. The big problem I have here is that this is more a nature vs. nurture and a refusal to conform to predetermined roles in society study in the form of an animated film. I found the songs lack luster, the characters for the most part forgettable, and the end both dismal and unrealistic. So take from that what you will.
7. Beethoven
Sigh… I hated this movie as a child and I still do. My brother and sister always wanted to watch it and it drove me crazy. The story is stupid, the characters are ridiculous, and the child acting in this movie is the absolute worst I’ve ever seen. It’s no wonder these kids did virtually nothing after the first two movies. It also heralded the downturn of the fairly well-known actor Charles Grodin from the late 60s – mid 90s. A year after doing Beethoven’s second he would pretty much fade into obscurity only to resurface in 2012 in a few minor roles.
6 Pinocchio
Yup… the other Disney movie on this list. This one always rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t like it when I was little and I still don’t. It’s an unpleasant rendition of the classic tale that honestly leaves way too many questions unanswered:
What happened to the 4 villains of the story? Did they suffer nasty ends or were they still abusing puppets and abducting people.
Why did kids turn into donkeys on Pleasure Island?
What happened to those kids?
Among many more. In the end… I can’t even sit through this one. It just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth.
5. The Vow
Oh God… you know what? No! There are just too many reasons I hate this movie. Go read my review on it here:
https://charactercritic.wordpress.com/2012/10/10/the-vow-2012/
Knock yourself out.
4. The Butterfly effect
Yes, I know I already reviewed this one too, but it still stands as one of the few movies I have walked out of and one of the two I actually asked for my money back on. It’s beyond unpleasant, unnecessarily sickening (and I’m not even talking about gory), and the story really isn’t that great either. It’s an interesting concept in that many of us would like to go back in time and change things that happened but… sigh… The story falls flat on it’s face.
3. The Faculty
I know, I’ve been eerily silent on this one and that’s how it’s pretty much going to stay. This movie is bad. This is a classic example of how idiot directors with some pretty bad rap sheets themselves view teenagers. Yeah we’re not all out to kick the crap out of anyone who so much as bumps into us or hump everything in sight! Moving on!
2, 9 months
As if I need to get into much detail. This used to occupy the #1 spot and did so for many years. It’s boring, the lead character is a complete douchebag, and this whole movie wreaks of something that should have been shown on lifetime with the rest of their male vilification campaign. It is a terrible movie with the worst cast imaginable… Hugh Grant, Julianne Moore, Tom Arnold, Jeff Goldblum and a cameo by sometimes funny man Robin Williams.
Skip this movie… please!!!!
1. District 9
And so we’ve arrived… the worst of the worst….
If you were to look up grotesque or unpleasant, in the dictionary, you’d find this movie under the definition. It’s partially shot in the ‘found footage’ style, and feels more like a parody than an actual movie.
The biggest crime this movie commits is that it’s misleading. It was advertised as being better than Star Wars, and being the next big Sci-Fi craze, when in reality it was little more than a docudrama and… political satire about a subject I couldn’t care less about: Apartheid in South Africa.
Seriously, I could not care less and had I known that, I never would have spent the $10 to see the movie. If the oppressed people were to rise up tomorrow and kill off the remaining colonial descendants there, I would applaud for 5 minutes and then go back to one of my books.
This is a classic example of what happens when you give a soapbox directed too much attention!